Lauren and her partner Will received support through Home-Start Portsmouth when parenting life was getting all too much for a number of reasons. Read her story below:
“I worked with people who had learning disabilities so when Layla was six months old I spotted something was wrong. My mum’s a nursery practitioner and thought the same as me. There were so many signs – her fixation on the colour green, her separation anxiety to animals she’d only just met, the way she’d flap her hands. We were very lucky and she was seen quickly by a paediatrician who gave a working diagnosis of autism.
“The diagnosis gave us the means of getting Layla the right care for her needs, but it also meant I couldn’t return to work. That was a hard adjustment. I’d always worked and always paid my way, so it’s been hard to go down to being one wage family. It’s also been hard to be at home one-on-one with Layla all day, every day.
“When I told Layla’s specialist community nurse that I was struggling and anxious when we went outside she suggested I contacted Home-Start Portsmouth. She explained how they help families so I decided to give them a call.
“Soon after I was introduced to John, my Home-Start volunteer. He has been a breath of fresh air. Straight away he encouraged me to take Layla out. He’s so laid back and patient. Layla doesn’t make eye contact with people she doesn’t feel safe with, but she will look and engage with John.
“John has helped me to not worry what other people are thinking. He said if Layla has a meltdown in public people won’t be judging, more likely they’ll be thinking we’ve all been there.
“Before John came into our lives I found taking Layla to the park really hard. When it was time to go home she’d start hitting and kicking me. John’s shown me how to keep calm and that has really helped me to manage Layla’s behaviour. We’re so lucky to have him.
“Home-Start has made such a difference in our lives. They’ve helped me do the best for Layla and directed us to groups for her, and they’ve given me confidence as a mum.
“The practical support and advice they’ve given us has helped us through the cost of living crisis that has hit my family hard. It’s literally meant I’ve been able to put food on the table. I don’t know where we would be without them.”
Cost of living
“With the rising costs of petrol our monthly spend has gone up to £300 a month. The only way we could reduce this was by restricting the number of weekends I picked my husband Will up from his army base on a Friday and returned him on Sunday. But the cost of this saving to our family is huge.
“My husband is a lance corporal in the armed forces. He lives away Monday – Friday and comes home for weekends. My daughter Layla, 3 and I looked forward to seeing him and spending some family time together. It also gave me a little break. But, with the cost increases, he can no longer afford to come home.
“He’s been home once in the last two months. We miss him dearly and I feel like I’m a single mum. The stress it is causing us is huge. I honestly don’t know what to do. Life feels such a struggle at the moment, and that’s just to provide the basics.
“Layla has additional needs and has a suspected diagnosis of autism. With her dad having to stay at the base, she is struggling not seeing him. The meltdowns are frequent and leaves me feeling stressed and powerless.
“I receive Carers Allowance and we have my husband’s wage, but it’s not enough to live on. My husband has to buy his own food at the base, so we have two lots of food shopping to get putting further pressure on our income. I feel for him. He works hard to provide for us, but then goes without himself so that we can get by.
“We’re now coming to the last two weeks of the month and we’ve no money left. I’ve counted out Layla’s nappies and I’m hoping we have enough to see us until I can get some more.
“We feel like we’re always hitting wall. Even my husband who is a tough guy finds it upsetting. He said he doesn’t know what else we can do. We sat down and went through our bills but there was nothing left to cut.
“I feel like a failure. I’m not giving Layla the childhood I’d like to. I can’t take her out to places like theme parks and can’t treat her to an ice cream. The other day we went to the supermarket to get some milk. Layla wanted a packet of buttons but I couldn’t stretch to that. It’s heart-breaking.
“I see the prices of everything going up – even daily. I got a bottle of squash one day for 70p. The next day it had gone up to 75p. Of course we do lots of things that are free and we enjoy that, but it would be nice to have a treat once in a while.
“We’re caught in a gap. My husband earns too much for us to get Universal Credit, but not enough to cover the bills. I’m dreading winter when the heating needs to go on. But I’m so thankful we have a roof over our heads, I’m thankful we have each other, and I’m thankful we have Home-Start who’ve been there for us.
